Sexist Social Services, and American Culture For That Matter

   I just want to take the time here to share a personal experience I had with Social Services here in the Commonwealth of Virginia. To clarify the story, if the picture of my face didn't tell you, I am a white male of 22 years. At the time of this incident, I was 19 at the onset and then 20 at closure. This is my story of my journey becoming a SINGLE DAD with the PRIMARY PHYSICAL custody of my two children. Be advised, I am an "isolated incident" and in no way am I stating that all women abuse this system. Separation is unfortunate on all fronts of the family, I truly sympathize with victims of abuse, divorce, and troubled marriages. Please keep your mind open to my experience with this system.

   Let's begin. In September of 2009, I was awarded the primary physical custody status of my two children. This road was not treaded easily. At the onset, I was black-balled by my ex-wife under her plan (not speculation, this was supported by recorded evidence in court) to accuse me of attempting to harm my children. Her goal of this planned accusation was to be awarded custody to collect the "child-support" in order to help the financial situation of her parents.

   The lengthy story of my court battles aside, I was now a single father. I was stacked with financial burdens beyond the legal fees of five months of fighting criminal accusations and custody at the same time. I now had to replace my childrens wardrobe and living arrangements as all of there belongings were taken from our home by the family / co-conspirators of my ex-wife. So, in attempt to find financial assistance for the time being, I found myself going back to the very Social Services office that had tried there best to find me "at-fault" of the accusations made against me.

   I thought about this wonderful program offered in Virginia as well as the rest of the United States, called (WIC) Women, Infants, and Children. I wanted to apply but somehow, even though I had an infant and a child in my home, because I was not a woman (and please no offense ladies) I was not able to benefit from this wonderful program. Today though, I do qualify because of my household size, income, and because I remarried and my wife applied for the program....interesting right?
 
  I also had applied through the Social Services office to locate "scholarships" for the daycare that my children were enrolled to. After all, single parents have to work right? Unfortunately, my children and I were not receiving any form of child support from my former accusers. Yes, no support, even though they were so Hell-bent to have this financial "blessing" from me, I was not recieiving any form of monetary support to keep my children fed, clothed, educated, or secure during the day. Still, to this day, my children (it is Child Support after all) received no means of support from those who accused me earlier. So, with no additional financial support, I was fronting the cost of daycare and all the combined costs of living, on this one income. Boy, did I hope that I could get one of these scholarships.

   Upon reviewing the file, the social worker asked me, "How many are in your household?" When I had told her three (3) she asked me, "Where's their mama?" When I informed her that I was awaiting the final hearing for divorce she replied, "You mean you got custody of them kids?" At this point, I was beginning to see that as a single father, I would not privileged to receive such scholarships when I heard the word that, "Men in Virginia never get custody of their kids" from the social worker. As a white male making above the poverty line, however not by any means highly compensated as a serviceman, there were no additional support networks for me to turn to.

   Is this system, and culture for that matter, so directly based on sexism that it believes that the primary custodial parent should be the mother? As I have told you, from the start I had four (4) days to be ready for the first of the custody hearings that began after the accusations. Upon proving the malicious intent of the egg-donating ex-wife, I was granted custody. I have seen firsthand that our culture has this mentality that the woman, no matter what case, should be granted custody. Look at me, the only reason that I was ever accused in the first place was because society made my ex-wife believe she would be given custody and social services continues to provide assistance to just as corrupt people without closely following where the benefits go after they are in the hands of their clients. As I stated earlier, her goal of this accusation was to be awarded custody to collect child-support from me in order to help the financial situation of her parents.

   Please, again, I am in no way fighting Sexism with Sexism. I know that I am an "isolated incident." I know that every woman is not applying to ride the system. I sympathize with victims of abuse, divorce, and troubled marriages, I mean, I was a victim after all. Is stronger regulation needed? Is the system bent on only assisting one gender? Get both sides of the story, ask each gender, and then ask yourself, are we in need of Social Service reform? The answer is yes.